Thursday, November 5, 2009

Revelation had: Secrets of the Mayan calendar unlocked.

Dude. DUUUUDE. I fucking GET IT now. I UNDERSTAND. Mind officially blown.

I was just talking to my friend Dan. He mentioned that he was hanging around some loser homeless drug addict, and the guy's girlfriend walks up and starts hugging on him and telling him how much she loves him and shit. And the guy was just totally ignoring her and acting like a total dick. Dan was confused by this. "Why is she in love with such a loser? What the hell's wrong with her?"

And, completely by accident, I blurted out the most truthful thing I've ever said in my entire life. "Dude. If you're successful, and you have your shit together, and you're a nice guy, and a good person, and you're there for her when she needs you, and you're nothing but good to her, she'll want nothing to do with you. But if you're a loser-ass drug-addicted dick who treats her like garbage, she'll fall in love with you. That's the way their minds work."

I now know why I don't have a girlfriend. I now know why every girl I meet friendzones me. I GET IT NOW. It's because I'm a nice person. It's because I'm going to school and doing well. It's because I'm nice to them. Women don't respect that. They want the asshole that'll blow them off to hang with their bros and do some coke.

Upon hearing this, he totally agreed with me. We were then able to come up with numerous examples that proved our thoughts true. He then looked down at his guitar and said, "The funny thing is, I treat my guitar like a lady. I give her a warm bed, a place to stay, I pay attention to her, and everything. I even named her. I treated my lady like a guitar, and she loved me for it. I guess you're right."

So if you're in the same situation as me, just be a total asshole to women. Pretend that you don't give a fuck about their problems, ditch them to hang out with your loser friends, get addicted to some hard drugs, get drunk and tell them you just wanna fuck them. They fucking flockto that shit.

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