Thursday, June 25, 2009

"Wow, that guy has WAY too much time on his hands."

Yeah, it's kind of REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING when I hear this. Not even just directed at me. At anyone.

What would you consider a better activity, asshole?

Maybe watching TV? This site says that Americans spend 5 hours a day doing just that. Would that be a better use of my time? Or perhaps I should be texting my friends about unimportant shit. Maybe go to the football game and watch D-average people throw a ball around? OR... Go to a bar and get drunk! Yeah, that would be a MUCH better use of my time. Spend time chasing neurologically-deficient women for vapid, empty sex, drive to Wal-Mart to get cheap shit I don't need... There certainly are quite a few activities that I should be focusing on more.

So while you're off doing all of these things, leading an exciting, important life, if you could take the time to tell me that my hobby that makes me happy is pointless and wasteful, I would VERY MUCH appreciate it.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Longboarders Vs. Skaters

I'd like to ask you a question. What do you see here?


I'm going to assume that some of you already know where this is going. For those of you who don't, allow me to help you out:



I'm writing this because I'm sick of douchebag college-going bros that think they're total skaters while they roll down the street on their 20-foot longboards.

Longboards are not used for skating. They are used for transportation and giving the illusion that the owner is cool. While a skater might be out searching for a new spot, or thrashing it up during a night session, or getting harassed the cops, a longboarder would most likely already know the cop from football practice. Then he would return to his frat house with all of his moron buddies and do a kegstand all night.

Most longboarders don't even know what a kickflip is. Tell you what, next time you see a longboarder, ask him what a kickflip is. I guarantee you'll get something along these lines:

"Oh, whoa, I, uh, don't really know, bro. Sorry, man. Hey, uh, you don't know where I could get some bud, do ya?"


So the next time you see a longboarder riding his way lazily down the street with his backwards hat and his cargo shorts and his Oakley rip-off sunglasses, tossing a frisbee around with his C-minus buddies, do the right thing. Call him a faggot and tell him to get a real skateboard.