In this edition of A Compendium Of People Who Are Better Than You, I will be focusing on someone whom I'm sure we've all met, dealt with, and thusly, hated: The Intellectual Who Doesn't Watch T.V.
"I don't really watch t.v." A sentence often followed by the opposite party rolling their eyes, saying "Dude, fuck you," or in some rare cases, kicking the former's ass. (Disclaimer: The writer of this article does not endorse, condone, advocate, encourage, or support any act of violence toward anyone who has not explicitly made this statement)
Basically, when people say they "don't really watch t.v.," what they're really trying to say is, "Hey. I recognize that you watch t.v. I don't. While I have no problem with you, I'm better than you. I probably read more books than you, I probably pay more attention to current events than you, and probably am less influenced by the media and pop culture than you. Look at my wool cap, skinny jeans, organic tea, and Macbook Air and revel in my superiority. Kiss the ground where my neon Pumas tread."
So the next time someone mentions the fact that they don't watch t.v., just try to imagine how they must feel. Going through life being more informed and intellectual than everyone else must take its toll. Listening to indie bands that no one's ever heard of and writing poetry that *no one understands* isn't the easy road in life[Note: read part in ** with exasperation and self-importance in your voice]. If you want to brighten their day a little, just mention to them how much you loved Cat's Cradle. They'll eat that shit up.